In times of trouble sometimes I have felt stripped of the warmth of my humanity and reality seemed bleak and distant. Common notions of what was important faded. I realised that in the end, the thing that all life shares is the fact that everything comes down to to the simple binary that life is a battle between you and death. It does not have a happy ending. All roads wind up bleak and lonely.
All customs, constructs, relationships, EVERYTHING is secondary to that. In the end it will be just you struggling against death. Civilization will be just peeled away. And when your will gives out so will your life. An organism against its only true fate. Our whole reality is an unstable house balanced on the end of a pin, only the prospect of death can allow us to truly feel this instability and impending entropy. In the developed world we don’t know this anymore. Our meat is brought to us in a manner that ensures we see no death. We are divorced from the suffering we create in our wake. Our tiny society is at the top of a gigantuan pyramid of destruction. How much forest goes into one piece of paper? How many resources go to getting one piece of fruit to our tables? We cant even conceive of it. We are so divorced from our primal roots.
The sicker a human gets the more primitive they become. When i have been at my sickest, close to death , one feels the fetid breath of death on your face. With darknesses chasm opening before you, conventions and humanity erode. The worse ones situation is the more desperate one clutches to life the more humanity is shed like a reptiles skin and we become something older, more primitive, savage. This is what we as humans are running from. This is what we want to forget. We are hiding from the silence of the night and the cold that whispers from the grave.
With this in mind why do I worry about problems? Enjoy the moment, its all I have!